Gone

I can't study at all during the weekends. I'm even starting to have a hard time trying to study during the weekdays. I don't know exactly why but I think it's a psychological thing. Something rooted deep with in my subconscious may explain it all but for now I don't have much of a clue. It's strange really; I only came here for one purpose and one purpose alone to study. Before I had left for this island I was telling my self that was all I was going to do and had psyched my self up to do just that. Well that's what I thought in the beginning but now...

Maybe it's because of the failed expectations. I really thought I didn't expect much because I had visited the place in the previous year but to my astonishment I was let down even more. Professors do not always speak English in the class, although I was told they do. Sometimes they don't even speak at all because they don't show up. I feel that I may be better of just sitting alone in my room with my books, that is if I would only study.

Maybe it's the distractions. I am beginning to see that I get easily distracted by everything here cousin's asking me to go drink, problems with the water and the insects, and drama. If these things occurred only once or twice I don't think it would be much of a problem but when they happen just about every other day it does become a little bothersome. It's hard to get back your focus on studying when you find worms in your shower or after hearing some crazy story that's meant for the Jerry Springer Show. I got a feeling things are not going to get any better either, especially in the drama department. I haven't been writing on some of the drama here but trust me there is enough drama going on around here to write a novel about.

Maybe it's because I feel like I lost my freedom. It's not easy for me to go where ever I like. There is not much around here and the places I want to go are rather far. Sometimes I think about going to these places but it will take me all day and I don't really have much time. On top of that the reasons why I want to go there is to get a few things I need but when I think about it I don't feel like commuting on a jeepni with some thing like a microwave. I don't want to get lost anywhere also carrying around such things, especially when I don't know the language. The majority of the people seem friendly but I understand under their situation here some people can be very desperate. A foreigner carrying a lot of expensive items can seem very tempting to take advantage of. The majority of the time I find my self sitting in this little room and it's driving me mad.

Maybe it's a combination of everything. Whatever is the exact reason I don't know. I guess it doesn't really matter either. The one thing that I am sure of is that I'm not liking my stay here all that much and all the drive I had in the beginning I'm afraid is just about gone.