Is there a doctor in the house?

I'm hurting. I'm hurting bad. My throat is sore, my muscles are aching, I'm feeling a little hot, and I think I look as bad as I feel. I can feel this big lump on the left side of my neck. (Would that indicate a swollen parotid gland, guys? Someone fill me in here.)

I got that family reunion to go to today too. That's why I got all them gift baskets. Well, if I don't go then I won't have to starve. It's funny how things work out sometimes. Then again I'll still probably end up stopping by there just for a few minutes at least.

Would I go to the hospital though if I got any worse? I don't know about that one. I've heard the stories from the clerks here and if the doctors end up treating me as well as they do in class, then I'm better off staying here.

The nurse would probably come in as I'm already nearing death,
"Sir, the doctor said he will be here in 15 minutes."
"But you said that an hour ago."
"I know sir, but he said there is a long line at Starbu... I mean at the tollgate."
"Son of a %!@&#."

I'll manage it by myself some how. Anyone know what the initial symptoms of bird flu are?