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Ladies and gents our story begins with our author who one day packed up his bags to spend the next 5 years of his life on some tropical island far far away. This land is not like any place he has ever been to before. There is no telling of what he may encounter during his stay there but one thing is sure he is going to be in for one crazy adventure. And this is where you get to read about it.

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The stories told here maybe appear larger than in real life and at times may even appear outlandish. However, all actual events are in fact real (well, most of them). What may appear as a distortion of reality to some may only be due to the author's perspective of the actual events. Some say he is just not right in the head.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Hate ko'to

For some reason I have a habit of calling for delivery only when I am really hungry knowing full well that it's gonna take a while for the food to get here and that I'll only get hungrier in the process. So not learning anything from the past last night I got to the point where I could no longer take my hunger pains and decided to call up McDonald's. I just heard they began delivering to my part of town so I decided to try them out. Yes, McDonald's actually delivers in this country, it's amazing. So you can get to your goal of being 400lbs by eating Big Macs and never have to leave your couch. Anyway, it was at 7:30 p.m. when I made my call and placed my order for a quarter pounder with cheese, 6 piece chicken nuggets, and McFlurry. You have to order at least 250 pesos of food. Despite sounding as if I was disturbing her, the operator took my order and told me my food would arrive in about 30 to 45 minutes.

It was 8:20 p.m. now even hungrier than before, I still had no food. I decided to give them a call back to see what was going on with my order. The lady on the phone gave me some excuse that in Binan they have a delivery time of 1 hour so they still had 16 minutes to deliver my food. Now, that's not what the first lady told me and furthermore I had already waited 50 minutes so if I had to wait another 16 minutes that would be over and hour. So I really didn't know how the hell she came up with 16 minutes. And as I tried to get her to explain what she was talking about for the first time in my life I felt what it would be like to be a door-to-door salesman who just had a door slam shut on his foot from some house wife only wanting mothing more than for him to leave. But the strange thing was I was talking to this lady over the phone. It was if she didn't want to hear anything I had to say and only wanted me to hang-up. Wow, the customer service they have out here is just @#$%ing amazing. I can't say I'm really all that surprised though. I have been noticing that "customer service" basically has no meaning out here. When they know you have no other choice but put up with them they usually will just treat you like an unwanted stepchild.

I ended up deciding to give the lady her 16 minutes. If I were to place an order anywhere else I would have to wait again anyway. Big mistake. I ended up waiting another 25 minutes before I called them back to cancel my order. This time the lady tried to tell me that the delivery driver was already on his way but I really didn't care for what she had to say. I guess that she could already tell I was pissed so she didn't really try to put up much resistance this time around and just said "Thank you for choosing McDonald's". For what?

Anyway, wouldn't you know it 5 minutes later I get a knock on my door. By this time I was really pissed and I started to develop a headache from being hungry. I threw open the door and there was this delivery man bending over the delivery sack on the floor. I told the guy that I had already called and canceled the order and that I wasn't going to be paying for it anymore so he could just go. Then he stood up. He was about 6 feet tall and probably over 200 lbs. Maybe a normal man would have stepped back and tone his voice down just a bit. But maybe you haven't really been reading up to this point. Any piece of sanity I had was gone and I was @#$%ing hungry and pissed. So like small rabid dog planning to take down a German Shepard, I puffed up my chest and started barking at him again. Initially he tried talking to me in English and I guess he was getting a little flustered because he began repeated everything he just said to me over in Tagalog. He was telling me how that they only have one driver and he has to go all over the place to deliver these two orders. WTF, two orders? He should have thought of a better excuse. It wouldn't have mattered to me if he had to make 20 orders. McDonald's is just down the street. I order from the pizza shop right across the street from them all the time and it takes them less than a half an hour to deliver my food.

But unfortunately I let my sympathetic side (the part that I got to rip out because it's holding me back ) get to me. At this point the guy's face was all red and he was starting to get a little teary eyed. (I don't know what they do to you out here when you get back and you fail to make your delivery. Maybe they get the rights to your first born child.) Anyway it would have been a little embarrassing to see a grown man cry at my door. So I told him that the food still better be warm and he told me it still was. I guess he was still a little shaken up because it took him a couple of minutes to figure out what I owed him but once he did I gave him the exact amount (I'm not giving anyone a tip for a meal that was over an hour late ). As he stood there trying to count the money I gave him in the light of my door way I just closed the door on him. Yeah, maybe it was a little mean of me for doing so but it turns out that my food wasn't actually warm after all. What I should have really done was thrown his sorry ass and his cold hamburger down those three flights of stairs of my dormitory.

After I finished my cold meal I opened up my phone book and deleted the McDonald's delivery number from the directory. That's was the last time I will ever order delivery from McDonald's and if you live in Binan, Laguna and I suggest that you don't waste your time in dealing with them either.

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