Fear

Fear is an infectious disease that can easily swallow up another man's courage.

Climbing the ladder

One of the strange things here in the Philippines is the contradictions. In this country 2 times the people have managed to rally together to take down a president. However, there is still this prevalent air that most people have that nothing can be done when we are offended by our so called “superiors”. These so called superiors demand respect but don't give it. The so called underlings talk of how they have no such right to treat them that way but don't do anything about it except take it day in and day out.

I've read some place before that there is a silent hierarchy here in the Philippines. And people here know where they belong on that pecking ladder. So when someone higher up on that ladder offends the guy below typically he won't do anything about it because of the fear of falling off. After all there is not much room on a ladder for you to move out of the way if the guy above decides to step on your head. And for the same reason that's why those higher up on the ladder usually always stay higher up and you're only left with a view of their rear.

So in a sense I can understand maybe why some people would be scared. But then again to me that's a rather sad way to live your life, sniffing the ass of someone else. And besides in reality there is no ladder! Yes, in this country it may be more true than anywhere else that those on top will always stay on top. And if you attempt to fight back there is that chance you may end up getting the worse end of it. However, there is still always that guarantee that if you don't attempt to fight back you will just continue to be stepped on.

So though yesterday I had no clue as to what the ass was saying. Today I'm writing a letter to the dean about it. However, I don't know why when some shit goes down here people think that I alone should do something about it. This time it's not going to work that way because I know just how ridiculous I would come out looking like if I tried to make a stand on this issue by myself? Just about as ridiculous as everyone else bending over to take it in the ass by the good old doc again. The only way anything is going to be done about this, is if WE make a stand TOGETHER.

Puñeta, puñeta, puñeta

Two and half hours later he finally walks in the door. With all his ranting of how he rather not be a teaching and how he's only doing this as a "favor" I wonder why he even comes in at all. Just by look on his face you can already tell he's not in a good mood. Then after a couple looks around the room he begins his tirade. For the next half hour all he is saying is bla, bla, bla, puñeta, bla, bla, bla, tanga, bla, bla, bla, puñeta....puñeta...puñeta..puñeta. It looked obviously to me he was mad but I really didn't understand what he was saying. And I didn't get why he would be so mad either. So a few students were absent, big deal. After all he did say he didn't care if you showed up to his class or not just as long as you pass. So, I just kind laughed it off to myself. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Later on I came to learn what puñeta means is somewhere along the line of your mother is a bitch. Furthermore I learned that the mothers he was referring to was ours in class. Ours? And I thought he was mad because people were absent obviously all of us sitting in class weren't absent. I have never in my life have been so belligerently insulted by a professor in my life. No matter what he thinks we did to offend him gives him no right to be saying shit to us like that. I'm surprise though that my classmates took it so well. If I had known what he was saying I would have walked out. Actually let's just say that would have been the most rational thing I would have done.

I really don't get the never of this guy. First of all if anyone should be mad it should be us. He constantly comes in to class two or more hours late and when he gets there all he does is complain. Saying that he is either sick or how he doesn't want to be teaching. If his life is shit he should be taking out on us. He should go see a f*&#@!^% shrink.

Right now I can feel that tightness in my chest. And I want to go break something but I'm out in public right now so people could end up looking at me a little weird. Anyway, thing that really bother's me the most is not what he said. When people curse at you and you don't know what they are saying it is usually more funny than offense. What upsets me the most is that I feel like I'm wasting my time here. I'm tired of having crap ass teachers show up 3 hours late only to hear about their bullshit shit story and then have them teach you absolutely nothing. That is not what I came here for or what I'm paying for. I know it is cheaper to than going to school in the States but it's not that cheap. And what I hate most off all is wasting the money. My parents and grandmother are giving me a lot of money just to be here, but for what?

I'm just waiting for that moment I finally give up all hope and realize that this is all just a waste of time.

The 2 miracles

Miracle No. 1
Yesterday I was able to take a hot shower for the first time since I arrived in this country over a month ago.

Miracle No. 2
Trying to clean some dirt off the shower head I was lucky not to electrocute my self to death. Though, I did get a good jolt.

Look at her. Ain’t she a beaut?

Hmm, I wonder how long that electric tape holding those wirers together will last and keep me from any further shocks with all the moisture in the bathroom.

Yup, I finally got me a water heater installed yesterday. However, a little after I shocked myself and before I got done in the shower, during that first test run, all the lights went out in my dorm and I was to be left again with no hot water.

The passive American?

For a country where people usually beat around the bush before telling you what they actually want to say I find it strange that lately a lot of people are coming up to me to tell me what it is that I got to do. It has happened before but when it has happened in the past I used to not think of it much, I'd just say no or maybe do it or whatever. In any case it didn't seem to be much of a problem but lately people telling me what I got to do has become a lot more frequent. One of my friends told me before that one of the reasons why he tries to keep distance from everyone here is that because sooner or later they are just going to start to take advantage of you. Recalling what he said I'm beginning to think what he said was right. After all when you're friends you don't have to be shy but does that mean you don't have to show any courtesy as well? It seems like a strange phenomenon but in Asian countries I think this holds a little bit of truth. Though I don't think it's really a matter of a lack of courtesy per se but instead the result of when the passive Asian personality is being taken for granted.

Hmm, so if you feel like you're that person being taken for granted what do you do? One of my classmates recommends the use of a lot of explicatives. Now, in America immediately telling people off may be a common thing to do but in Asia that's not usually how it goes. The passive Asian will continue to put up with it even when they feel like they are being taken for granted. I'm not sure as to why. Maybe it stems from a desire to please or not to offend the other person. In any case the passive personality tends to let things build up before anything is done to put a stop to their grief. This is not a very good practice of course because when they get tired of having people stepping all over them and finally reach that point where they want to put their foot down, they usually want to put that foot down on the heads of other people.

Now you can ask me anything and asking me if I can do something for you is not a problem. I might not always give you the answer you're looking for though but hey it doesn't hurt to ask. However, when some one comes up to you and starts off by saying "Tally all these…" or "You are going to be this…" that's not asking. That's telling. No one likes to be simply told what to do. I know as sure as hell that many of my classmates don't like it either. Have you read Ray's blog lately? Anyway, I can understand the way they feel because if that person is not your boss, your mentor, the person that puts food on your table or provides a roof over your head it can come off a little disrespectful. And no one wants to feel like someone's personal little bitch.

So in case some of you didn't get it, don't come up to me anymore telling me this is what I got to f@#%!&* do without me agreeing to it or even asking me about it first.